Wednesday, March 16, 2011

How do you know where to go next?

All of us have times in our life where we feel like we come to a crossroads.  When you get there and you look up the different paths you're given, all of them look rough and how do you know which one to take if they all look like the same, rough, overgrown, hilly paths?  Well, that's where I am today.  I have four paths in front of me - all look just as hopeless so it looks like no matter where I go it's going to be rough.  I know no matter which one I take someone is going to be upset with me, whether it be Dean, my sons, my friends, my family. 

So do I give up the SSDI battle and try to find a job or try to keep my business and stay here in Strum?

Do I pack up and go up to the cities where I can help a very close friend?

Do I pack up and go back to Streator?

Do I pack up and head out to a new place to start a new life all over again?  Abroad?  The keys?  Farther north?

Either way Dakota's going to be mad - the other boys - they are ready for adventures they just want mom to be well again. 

I tured 35 Monday - and I never thought this would be my life at 35.  Who does?  I was sicker than sick on my birthday - the boys fought like cats and dogs, Dean was off on Mars again.  If it weren't for the phone call from Susan, the visit from Martha and all the wonderful birthday greetings I would have given up right then and there.  I still feel like giving up.  There's just no more strength or fight in me anymore.  The only thing that keeps me here is worrying what will happen to my boys when I'm gone??  Who will take care of them??

Anyway - I'm just ranting again - gotta get it off my chest.

Thanks for listening!


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